I have heard it many times, from HR, from clients, even from people that never tried coaching but read someone’s opinion online.
“Coaching doesn’t work. It is something for professional athletes only”
And in many cases these people are right, their diagnoses is correct. As a coach and a coachee (yes, I am still a work in progress) I can say honesty that: “Coaching does not work when we expect the wrong thing from it”
1. Coaching should give me a “quick fix”
“This should go faster! Why is the coach not giving me the answers?”
Many clients expect coaching to work like the magic pill. Someone comes in, identifies the problem, puts a diagnostic and comes with a fast solution that is given to the coachees with clear instruction: take twice daily, ideally before meals and with a large glass of water. If you follow the recommendation the “problem” will get solved.
It won’t.
Coaching doesn’t fix people – because they are not broken. Most of us are just dealing with limiting believes about ourselves, ingrained habits and patterns while trying to achieve goals that may not even be fully ours.
So there are no quick fixes in coaching, no shortcut If that, no magic insight that instantly changes your live. If that is the expectation, disappointment is guaranteed and the only logical conclusion is : “Coaching is not working”
2.There is no progress. “I am not getting anywhere”
We finish the session and often we think nothing happens.
No instant shift, no breakthrough, no aha moment. That is correct, because transformation does not happen in the session, transformation happens in the work we do between the sessions.
Progress in coaching is rarely linear or incremental. There is no KPI to tick off after each conversation, no guaranteed milestone by session 5. In coaching change is happening beneath the surface. We so often forget where we started, we overlook the small wins and expect progress to be measurable, obvious and yes, immediate.
As a coachee myself I often leave the session with more questions than answers and more “work” to do. But those questions are the ones that push me forward, drive the courage to challenge my beliefs, and move me toward the things that I have avoided for years.
If you expect constant, visible progress, coaching will feel like “it’s not working”
3. This is too “uncomfortable”. I want solutions, not emotions
Coaching only works if you do face the uncomfortable parts of ourselves.
I did not enjoyed the “mirror” my coach held up to me. I did not like seeing my avoidance, my resistance, my blind spots. But that discomfort was the door to change. Facing emotions it is not about crying on the couch and or blaming your parents and grandparents, it is about having the courage to acknowledge what a situations brings up for you, and choosing to respond differently.
Change requires discomfort as old habits do not dissolve without friction. If you avoid emotional work, coaching will feel pointless.
So why some feel coaching doesn’t work?
Because coaching is work. Work on our own beliefs, patterns, values, emotions – the entire system not just that part that maybe is currently hurting and we want to “fix”. Just like the gym, where we do not train only one muscle group. Some areas need more time, more focus, more repetition, but is all of us that needs attention.
Coaching will not work if we expect spees instead of depth, visible and measurable progress instead of internal shifts, comfort instead of challenge.
Change often happens before we can see it, in those small imperceptible actions and micro moments.
Coaching works – but only if we don’t expect it to do the work for us.
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